I think I have delved into the more than controversial, and that's ok, you can all email me, or leave comments about how horrible I parent, or even think thru parenting. I guess ultimately it just is between God, my husband and me, huh? But, you have now been warned, if you don't want to read a potentially offensive piece, STOP NOW!!
You still there?... ok! I have just one sentence that I will expound on below:
Christian parenting is NOT about controlling your children, or "spanking" them until they comply!
Are you ready? (I AM!!!) Most Christian parents hold to the truth in Proverb 13:24 "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." (ESV) I have 3 translations (ESV NASB & NIV) in my home, so I consulted all 3 of them to see if I could find any wording difference, and the 2 words that to me were the most "controversial", rod and discipline, were the same in all 3 versions. I looked into the study notes of 2 of the versions (by different publishers), and they both noted that the word "rod" was metaphorical, not necessarily physical.
I was running around my social media of choice earlier today and came across a "parenting group" that was making some rather, um, harsh comments about a particular parenting book "To train up a child" by Michael and Debi Pearl. Now, I will say, I have not read the book, but I refuse to even consider having it in my home knowing what potentially could be in it. Multiple children have been severely abused or killed by their parents apparently because of this books advice. The use of PVC pipe will NEVER be a form of discipline that I could come close to considering Godly, or even in the right direction. I will leave that particular rant alone, because I trust that anyone with a heart can know where my head can go with that information... BUT the problem I have with this whole thing is that it is revolving around outward obedience. Now, I know I sure do like it when my kids obey me when I ask them to do something, but what happens if they don't? Where do we as parents go when kids choose not to obey? In our heads? In our hearts? Toward our children? Discipline? There can be so many facets to this, and lots can do good, while others, well, not so much. I don't know about you, but when I know my kids are just digging in their heels and choosing to disobey, it strikes a chord in my heart that is less than Godly, loving, gracious, nurturing, teaching, etc. Well, maybe it is teaching... how NOT to respond. If I have a look, or tone in my voice that expresses anything other than grace and love for my kids while they are choosing something other than what I want them to, THEY KNOW IT! Do you also know, it makes their behavior worse?! Yep, true story! My kids respond in kind. Don't we all, though? I mean, who's been to the store and had to deal with a rude person, and in turn gets rude back, because, "who are THEY to talk to me like that?" or "what's her problem?" or "did you hear what he said?!" How can we really expect our kids to learn how to respond, or act, or treat others if we are not giving them any good examples?
Here is where I think things can get taken to an extreme. I don't think it's realistic to discipline your kids and expect them to be happy about it, or have a good attitude, or not cry/whine/act out. In fact, I DO expect these things, simply because it's not what they want to do! Discipline is sometimes painful, uncomfortable, and not at all fun! The way God deals with me is sometime painful, uncomfortable, and sometimes not at all fun! I complain to God about the discipline He is giving me! But I do know that it is for my good, and He loves me! I want my children to know the same. I make a point to always tell them that the reason I have to discipline them is because of 2 things: 1- I have to obey God, just like I ask them to obey me; and 2- because I love them and I know it's what's best for them. Now, "discipline" means a lot of different things around here, and is not always the same scenario. For example, we have been working on how to speak when we are not happy or having a good attitude. There is one of my kids that likes to growl while speaking, kind of like screaming while speaking, only not as loud. This child knows that's not allowed, yet does continue to do it from time to time. Usually this means we repeat whatever is trying to be said without the growling/screaming until the proper tone of voice is achieved. I also have a child that likes to whine and cry while speaking, or just plain out whine without speaking and I have no idea why. So, with this child I send them to their room to sit on their bed until they are done whining, because "Momma cannot understand whining, and no one wants to be around people that whine all the time." The simple separation alone is harsher discipline than any spanking could deliver this child. They are both disciplines, and both require my attitude and heart to be right, before theirs are.
The last thing I want to share is this simple thought: Parenting is more about my heart than about my children's heart, most of the time. My kids have shown me more about my own "stuff" than any other people on the planet. So, the question begs to be asked, who's teaching who, here?! LOL! I don't know, I think God had much more of a design specific for me, in my children, than I would have ever thought.
So, for the watching, listening world out there... Christian parenting is not about beating your kids into submission! And it's not about controlling them either, that only lasts long enough for them to grow up. It's about admitting that I as a parent am not perfect, don't have it all together with all the answers for my kids. I just have hope! Hope that the Holy Spirit will show me my own heart, so I can help my children better understand theirs, and what the "cure" is! Only the Cross can stand in the gap and make true, heart change happen. Only Jesus and His atoning blood can be the answer! Christian parenting should not have anything to do with my "well behaved", controlled children. My kids may run-a-muck in public, (probably because I need to get them out of the house more!), but that is not a very good indicator of their hearts at this age. There may come a day that the outward behavior is a reflection of their hearts, but it should never be what I seek to be true change/obedience. I pray I never regard their outward behavior as their true hearts position towards God. I also pray the Holy Spirit speaks to them in the teachable moments I am able to use, (without dealing with my own sin), to show them their need for a Savior!
No comments:
Post a Comment