Discipline,... is it control or teaching?

I think I have delved into the more than controversial, and that's ok, you can all email me, or leave comments about how horrible I parent, or even think thru parenting. I guess ultimately it just is between God, my husband and me, huh? But, you have now been warned, if you don't want to read a potentially offensive piece, STOP NOW!!

You still there?... ok! I have just one sentence that I will expound on below:

Christian parenting is NOT about controlling your children, or "spanking" them until they comply!

Are you ready? (I AM!!!) Most Christian parents hold to the truth in Proverb 13:24 "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." (ESV) I have 3 translations (ESV NASB & NIV) in my home, so I consulted all 3 of them to see if I could find any wording difference, and the 2 words that to me were the most "controversial", rod and discipline,  were the same in all 3 versions.  I looked into the study notes of 2 of the versions (by different publishers), and they both noted that the word "rod" was metaphorical, not necessarily physical.

I was running around my social media of choice earlier today and came across a "parenting group" that was making some rather, um, harsh comments about a particular parenting book "To train up a child" by Michael and Debi Pearl. Now, I will say, I have not read the book, but I refuse to even consider having it in my home knowing what potentially could be in it. Multiple children have been severely abused or killed by their parents apparently because of this books advice. The use of PVC pipe will NEVER be a form of discipline that I could come close to considering Godly, or even in the right direction. I will leave that particular rant alone, because I trust that anyone with a heart can know where my head can go with that information... BUT the problem I have with this whole thing is that it is revolving around outward obedience. Now, I know I sure do like it when my kids obey me when I ask them to do something, but what happens if they don't? Where do we as parents go when kids choose not to obey? In our heads? In our hearts? Toward our children? Discipline? There can be so many facets to this, and lots can do good, while others, well, not so much. I don't know about you, but when I know my kids are just digging in their heels and choosing to disobey, it strikes a chord in my heart that is less than Godly, loving, gracious, nurturing, teaching, etc. Well, maybe it is teaching... how NOT to respond. If I have a look, or tone in my voice that expresses anything other than grace and love for my kids while they are choosing something other than what I want them to, THEY KNOW IT! Do you also know, it makes their behavior worse?! Yep, true story! My kids respond in kind. Don't we all, though? I mean, who's been to the store and had to deal with a rude person, and in turn gets rude back, because, "who are THEY to talk to me like that?" or  "what's her problem?" or "did you hear what he said?!" How can we really expect our kids to learn how to respond, or act, or treat others if we are not giving them any good examples?

Here is where I think things can get taken to an extreme. I don't think it's realistic to discipline your kids and expect them to be happy about it, or have a good attitude, or not cry/whine/act out. In fact, I DO expect these things, simply because it's not what they want to do! Discipline is sometimes painful, uncomfortable, and not at all fun! The way God deals with me is sometime painful, uncomfortable, and sometimes not at all fun! I complain to God about the discipline He is giving me! But I do know that it is for my good, and He loves me! I want my children to know the same. I make a point to always tell them that the reason I have to discipline them is because of 2 things: 1- I have to obey God, just like I ask them to obey me; and 2- because I love them and I know it's what's best for them. Now, "discipline" means a lot of different things around here, and is not always the same scenario. For example, we have been working on how to speak when we are not happy or having a good attitude. There is one of my kids that likes to growl while speaking, kind of like screaming while speaking, only not as loud. This child knows that's not allowed, yet does continue to do it from time to time. Usually this means we repeat whatever is trying to be said without the growling/screaming until the proper tone of voice is achieved. I also have a child that likes to whine and cry while speaking, or just plain out whine without speaking and I have no idea why. So, with this child I send them to their room to sit on their bed until they are done whining, because "Momma cannot understand whining, and no one wants to be around people that whine all the time." The simple separation alone is harsher discipline than any spanking could deliver this child. They are both disciplines, and both require my attitude and heart to be right, before theirs are.

The last thing I want to share is this simple thought: Parenting is more about my heart than about my children's heart, most of the time. My kids have shown me more about my own "stuff" than any other people on the planet. So, the question begs to be asked, who's teaching who, here?! LOL! I don't know, I think God had much more of a design specific for me, in my children, than I would have ever thought.

So, for the watching, listening world out there... Christian parenting is not about beating your kids into submission! And it's not about controlling them either, that only lasts long enough for them to grow up. It's about admitting that I as a parent am not perfect, don't have it all together with all the answers for my kids. I just have hope! Hope that the Holy Spirit will show me my own heart, so I can help my children better understand theirs, and what the "cure" is! Only the Cross can stand in the gap and make true, heart change happen. Only Jesus and His atoning blood can be the answer! Christian parenting should not have anything to do with my "well behaved", controlled children. My kids may run-a-muck in public, (probably because I need to get them out of the house more!), but that is not a very good indicator of their hearts at this age. There may come a day that the outward behavior is a reflection of their hearts, but it should never be what I seek to be true change/obedience. I pray I never regard their outward behavior as their true hearts position towards God. I also pray the Holy Spirit speaks to them in the teachable moments I am able to use, (without dealing with my own sin), to show them their need for a Savior!

Life is sometimes a bit crazy!

So! I feel like I have been meaning to get to posting something, and then... ___________ happens! Something always seems to happen!! LOL! It's been a whirlwind the last few weeks, and I am not quite sure it's over, just kinda catching my breath for a second. :)
We decided about 3 weeks ago to pull the kids out of preschool, and I am so glad we did!! We were noticing a lot of attitude issues with both the kids, but mainly Sissy. I think she was having a really hard time transitioning from school "rules" to home "rules". It ended up looking like tantrums and screaming fits out of nowhere. So, in addition to a few other things, we let this be "enough" reason,... as if I needed one to begin with. The kids have done FAN.TA.STIC! I mean it! I am freshly aware of how much I need God's grace every single day! But He has not let me forget this is not just about the kids, it's about me, too. I am learning so much about parenting lately, and I have to say, it's not from a book, or a sermon, or a paper, or a "technique". It's simply, and amazingly, the Holy Spirit's leading in our lives. My attitude has been challenged indirectly by my children. I think a lot can be said simply by taking a look at how parents respond and speak to their children and the children's response in turn, it's usually a mirror image. (Kinda scary!) That's how this has worked for us, at least. How can I ask my 2 or 3 year old to control their emotional outbursts, when I am regularly having my own "temper tantrum" throughout the day. Now, there are still moments of chaos and insanity. Do not be fooled, lol, my toddlers still have plenty of meltdowns, but they are becoming less and less.
We also have been potty training, and I have to say, it's going really well! I was terrified of starting, because that meant I had to be "on guard" at all times, and be at home for the duration of however long it took them to "get it". Being the only driver, it's impossible for me to be home all day every day, because Drummer Boy has to still go to work, errands still have to be run, and groceries do not deliver themselves, contrary to what the WWW will tell you, lol! With 2, I thought for sure it would be a very long time before we went a day without any accidents, and yet, it's been pretty quick, I think! God is good!! :) Even in the simple life of potty training! LOL! I find you learn how to simplify as much as you need to in order to get the job done, if you will. Let me just say, we've watched more TV than I care to think about! But it kept them in plain sight, together, and for one, was the very distraction needed to "catch" the act. Outside time will greatly increase soon!! Still a little gun shy of going all night without pull-ups, but I figure they are getting it while they are awake, that's a big step from 2 weeks ago!
In addition to all this, we have been talking about the whole birth and prenatal situation quite a bit. It's been interesting! I really thought we were both on the same page when it came to a doula, and come to find out, we soooo weren't!! I guess I didn't do a very good job of explaining what a doula was, and so Drummer Boy had the impression that she was who we called in an emergency. Well, let's just say, we are still working out the details to this, and we will be in childbirth classes to help him get more involved. Even more than Lamaze led him to be! LOL! I had my 28 week prenatal today, and talked to the nurse midwife on my rotation of practitioners to see about the glucose test. Well, let me start off with, I have done my research, and I stand firm in the fact that I still would make the same decision even if I thought I did have gestational diabetes. But, I really am not comfortable shocking my body with up to 100 G of sugar (that's approximately 3 1/2 snickers bars). I did the drink with my first pregnancy and my blood sugar levels were border line, so the Dr sent me back for the 4 hour test to do it over a longer period of time. GREAT! Turns out, there was not problem to begin with,... Thanks for that, Doc! With my second pregnancy I was able to eat a regulated meal and have my blood drawn exactly 1 hour after and my levels were completely normal. SO! I was on the hunt for the reasons to not ask for the meal option again, and the Dr's office doesn't do any alternatives to the drink. None. So, all the alternatives I offered, and I had several, they said they would not do. I asked why they would not let me do anything other than the drink, and she just said, "because we can't find any testing to see numbers that make us comfortable with it being accurate." [Paraphrased] So, instead we will shock your body into overdrive, to hell with the side effects on mom or baby, just to make sure your pancreas is, in fact, producing insulin! GOOD! I was just eating my 4th candy bar for breakfast yesterday when I thought, "Hmm, maybe I should have my blood sugar levels tested,..." I just couldn't get a straight answer as to why I should do it, if in real life every other day, you would advise me NOT to eat that much sugar. It just doesn't make sense to me. But, anyhow, I declined the test. Which is NOT what I was wanting to do, but I had no choice, unless I wanted to drink the drink. She promptly measured my uterus, and told me I was measuring at 30 weeks, which is big according to my dates. And then that I should have been given the test in my first trimester as well, because my BMI is too high. Do you know the things that were going through my head were not lovely. Something like: "I literally have gained 4 pounds since pregnancy in November, and you want to talk to me about how much I must be a diabetic?! My first child was 9lbs 11oz, my second 9lbs 1oz both at 41 weeks, with a good diet, and I gained MUCH more than 4 stinkin' pounds, LADY!!! Last time I was here they told me I couldn't gain any more weight, because I had reached my maximum for the pregnancy, and now I just don't get it. My midwife didn't even flinch when I hit the 25 lbs weight gain with my first 2, and it didn't stop there! REALLY!?" ..... Yes, something to that effect, lol! Not lovely, I know, just real.

Am I the Only One?!

So lately, since Drummer boy and I have been thinking of having another baby, I have been online looking at all kinds of stuff. The #1 thing on my hit list is usually a breastfeeding mom's site, just cause I want to go into it as completely informed as humanly possible, and then maybe get to my goal of nursing for 1 full year. I was on face book on one of the pages I am currently a member of, and someone was talking about when their baby was born, 5 days early, the nursing staff took him away to the nursery, and wouldn't let mom see him, touch him, or feed him for that long! Instead they gave him formula and pacifiers and refused mom seeing him! That is just ridiculous to me! *This is where I get mad!* So many new moms, whether it's their first, or fifteenth baby, go into the hospital/Dr's office and just do as their told, instead of finding out ahead of time what they want to do. I am so saddened by the amount of mothers/parents that are so ill-informed about their rights/responsibilities when it comes to their children. Do you guys even know that a hospital cannot take your baby out of your sight without your permission?! Do you realize that anything they need to do can be done with you either holding the baby or with them?! Do you also know that you do not HAVE to have all this extra *stuff* pumped into your baby at birth?! I read somewhere recently, (as I usually read something about children's medical stuff regularly), that giving a baby the prescribed dose of vaccines at birth is like giving a 180 lb man 5 gallons of the same?! Doesn't that sound like too much to you?! I know that every parent has the right to refuse these medical advisories, but so many parents don't think they have an option, and that it is the best thing for them! Doing 10 minutes of research will pull up so much stuff for you to read on the subject, you can be so well informed when it comes to your child's health! If you are willing to spend 9 months pregnant, and then 18-30 years living with this person God so lovingly gifts you, the least you should be willing to do is invest some time finding out the common practices of your hospital/birthing place/doctor/anyone giving advice!

I digress... This isn't meant to be a post about vaccines, it's meant to be a post about birth and parenting and what's best for your particular child.
The fact that a hospital is NOT allowing something, should raise some red flags, folks! Let's think about this, just for a second. If it's called medical advice, then why do we treat it as Gospel?! If a Dr goes to school for 8-10 years, does that then mean that he has the corner on the market? NO! But, it does mean that he has been taught that this is how things need to work, so that your birth is his income revenue and business. I am of the opinion that I and my husband are responsible for the care and well-being of our kids, not the doctor/hospital. I regularly go against medical advice (AMA), and my kids are both healthy, and I am not upset that we didn't take the time to make better decisions when it comes to their health. We can always add something, but we can never take things away. I also think, if you are uncertain of the benefits of some medical advice, then you have the right to refuse treatment until you are at peace with your decision, knowing as much as you possibly can on the subject. I am also of the mind that breast milk is of superior quality no matter how old your child is, and you have the right to feed your kids whatever you think is best. If you think hot dogs and big mac's are it, then by all means, be my guest! But! I will say, even in that, every parent should be informed of the effect that food has on their growing body! My kids have long since weaned of nursing, but if I had known then, what I know today, people would be raising their eyebrows at me, and talking behind my back about how "I can't believe she is still nursing her 2 YO!" Yeah! That's OK, you have my permission to talk, because it's about the only thing you can do that will help you be OK with what I am doing, I guess. But, (to bring this full circle), I would like to know, (not that it's possible), how long did Jesus nurse for? How long do you think children nurse for in third world countries? When did it become so "bad", "unhealthy", or "wrong" to nurse your baby? I am appalled that so many moms are not supported by the very people that should be promoting health and well being in her new born, the hospitals and doctors of this country! Since when has formula become better than breast milk for a preemie? In fact, if you do a tiny bit of research on the subject you will find that breast milk is what that preemie in the NICU NEEDS! to become a "full term" baby! So, instead of ranting to a mom who probably already feels terrible at this situation, I will tell a (again) not-so-listening audience here! :)
I just want to know one thing... Am I the only one who googles