Discipline,... is it control or teaching?

I think I have delved into the more than controversial, and that's ok, you can all email me, or leave comments about how horrible I parent, or even think thru parenting. I guess ultimately it just is between God, my husband and me, huh? But, you have now been warned, if you don't want to read a potentially offensive piece, STOP NOW!!

You still there?... ok! I have just one sentence that I will expound on below:

Christian parenting is NOT about controlling your children, or "spanking" them until they comply!

Are you ready? (I AM!!!) Most Christian parents hold to the truth in Proverb 13:24 "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." (ESV) I have 3 translations (ESV NASB & NIV) in my home, so I consulted all 3 of them to see if I could find any wording difference, and the 2 words that to me were the most "controversial", rod and discipline,  were the same in all 3 versions.  I looked into the study notes of 2 of the versions (by different publishers), and they both noted that the word "rod" was metaphorical, not necessarily physical.

I was running around my social media of choice earlier today and came across a "parenting group" that was making some rather, um, harsh comments about a particular parenting book "To train up a child" by Michael and Debi Pearl. Now, I will say, I have not read the book, but I refuse to even consider having it in my home knowing what potentially could be in it. Multiple children have been severely abused or killed by their parents apparently because of this books advice. The use of PVC pipe will NEVER be a form of discipline that I could come close to considering Godly, or even in the right direction. I will leave that particular rant alone, because I trust that anyone with a heart can know where my head can go with that information... BUT the problem I have with this whole thing is that it is revolving around outward obedience. Now, I know I sure do like it when my kids obey me when I ask them to do something, but what happens if they don't? Where do we as parents go when kids choose not to obey? In our heads? In our hearts? Toward our children? Discipline? There can be so many facets to this, and lots can do good, while others, well, not so much. I don't know about you, but when I know my kids are just digging in their heels and choosing to disobey, it strikes a chord in my heart that is less than Godly, loving, gracious, nurturing, teaching, etc. Well, maybe it is teaching... how NOT to respond. If I have a look, or tone in my voice that expresses anything other than grace and love for my kids while they are choosing something other than what I want them to, THEY KNOW IT! Do you also know, it makes their behavior worse?! Yep, true story! My kids respond in kind. Don't we all, though? I mean, who's been to the store and had to deal with a rude person, and in turn gets rude back, because, "who are THEY to talk to me like that?" or  "what's her problem?" or "did you hear what he said?!" How can we really expect our kids to learn how to respond, or act, or treat others if we are not giving them any good examples?

Here is where I think things can get taken to an extreme. I don't think it's realistic to discipline your kids and expect them to be happy about it, or have a good attitude, or not cry/whine/act out. In fact, I DO expect these things, simply because it's not what they want to do! Discipline is sometimes painful, uncomfortable, and not at all fun! The way God deals with me is sometime painful, uncomfortable, and sometimes not at all fun! I complain to God about the discipline He is giving me! But I do know that it is for my good, and He loves me! I want my children to know the same. I make a point to always tell them that the reason I have to discipline them is because of 2 things: 1- I have to obey God, just like I ask them to obey me; and 2- because I love them and I know it's what's best for them. Now, "discipline" means a lot of different things around here, and is not always the same scenario. For example, we have been working on how to speak when we are not happy or having a good attitude. There is one of my kids that likes to growl while speaking, kind of like screaming while speaking, only not as loud. This child knows that's not allowed, yet does continue to do it from time to time. Usually this means we repeat whatever is trying to be said without the growling/screaming until the proper tone of voice is achieved. I also have a child that likes to whine and cry while speaking, or just plain out whine without speaking and I have no idea why. So, with this child I send them to their room to sit on their bed until they are done whining, because "Momma cannot understand whining, and no one wants to be around people that whine all the time." The simple separation alone is harsher discipline than any spanking could deliver this child. They are both disciplines, and both require my attitude and heart to be right, before theirs are.

The last thing I want to share is this simple thought: Parenting is more about my heart than about my children's heart, most of the time. My kids have shown me more about my own "stuff" than any other people on the planet. So, the question begs to be asked, who's teaching who, here?! LOL! I don't know, I think God had much more of a design specific for me, in my children, than I would have ever thought.

So, for the watching, listening world out there... Christian parenting is not about beating your kids into submission! And it's not about controlling them either, that only lasts long enough for them to grow up. It's about admitting that I as a parent am not perfect, don't have it all together with all the answers for my kids. I just have hope! Hope that the Holy Spirit will show me my own heart, so I can help my children better understand theirs, and what the "cure" is! Only the Cross can stand in the gap and make true, heart change happen. Only Jesus and His atoning blood can be the answer! Christian parenting should not have anything to do with my "well behaved", controlled children. My kids may run-a-muck in public, (probably because I need to get them out of the house more!), but that is not a very good indicator of their hearts at this age. There may come a day that the outward behavior is a reflection of their hearts, but it should never be what I seek to be true change/obedience. I pray I never regard their outward behavior as their true hearts position towards God. I also pray the Holy Spirit speaks to them in the teachable moments I am able to use, (without dealing with my own sin), to show them their need for a Savior!

Unassisted... Birth?! (part 2)

So, I think I missed a crucial step in the process of explaining things, and that is, Why? Why would we decide this is the best option when we have a hospital 2 miles down the road? Well, I will list the reasons for you, and then explain those.

1. Labor- The first thing that comes to mind when you think of having a baby in the hospital is a woman laying on her back being told to "PUSH!" with her legs being pushed for resistance. Let me just tell you that laboring on your back is more painful that standing or squatting! I know because I have done both. I had the most horrible back labor with my son, because I thought that's what you were "supposed" to do is lay down and labor. Not so much! When I was walking around, be it slowly, or squatting or sitting on a birthing ball my contractions with my daughter were never as painful as with my son. Not to mention that laying on your back takes gravity out of the equation, and leaves your body to do the entirety of the work, so labor slows or comes to a stop altogether. That's why most mom's that go in to the hospital in early labor end up getting pitocin and sometimes even a "failure to progress" stamp and rolled away to surgery.  In addition to all this! Physiologically, that's not an easy way for baby to come out. It actually makes your pelvis much more narrow by laying down, whereas squatting opens up your pelvis for the baby to have as much room as you can give them to go through the birth canal. So many reasons not to labor on your back! 
2. Medicines- I am a huge proponent of a natural birth and all the wonderful things that come from a 100% natural birth! Having said that, I will tell you that given the opportunity, I would have taken the epidural for my first, because I was just so tired and done with labor, I wanted a baby already! I know for me, having the option of meds would be a very hard thing to resist so close. BUT if I am not in the place to get any meds, I won't even think about it. I am so happy that I did not get meds with either of my births, because of the natural "cocktail" of hormones my body produced made for a wonderful after birth bonding experience for the babies and for me! Babies born to mothers who did not have any pain meds are more alert and willing to breast feed earlier than those that have had meds. 
3. Cutting/Episiotomy- I know this one is almost non-existent in hospitals now, but it does still happen. Most OB's know now that with tearing you heal faster, with little or no pain, but with a cut and stitches it's much worse for your body to recover, plus you now would need pain meds to go home with, as well. It just simply isn't needed, and I would rather tear, as strange as that sounds, that get cut. I did tear with my first, and had NO idea. I felt no pain from it during birth, immediately after birth or during the 6 weeks recovery time.
4. C-section rates- I shared this in my last post. The only hospital we can go to, (because there is only one that you can deliver at in town), has a c-section rate of 47%. That's all I think I need to say.  
5. Pulling- Most mom's delivering a baby in the hospital will never even notice this, but there are many OB's that like to pull the baby out, or push your vagina out of the way to get to baby's head to pull them out. Then, after the baby is born, they clamp and cut the cord, and hand the baby to you, and start pulling on the umbilical cord to try and get the placenta to separate from the uterine wall. Usually during this time, they will give you a shot of pitocin, or the like to get your uterus to contract heavily to help in the separation of the placenta. There are serious problems that can come from both of these pulling techniques. Erecessive bleeding or hemorrhaging is just one of the things that can happen. The uterus can actually tear as well, which obviously is a very bad thing! I'm good without either being the case.
6. Cord clamping- This is something that I wish I had known more about before this pregnancy. I have done extensive research regarding the "delayed cord clamping" idea. It makes sense that God would make it unnecessary to hurry up and clamp the cord, because it does it all by itself. Just like all the other things that take place during a low risk pregnancy and birth, God made our bodies awesome creations, indeed! He thought of everything!! Why do I need to "fix" it? Nothing scientifically shows any need to keep the baby from approximately 1/3-1/2 their blood by early cord clamping. I linked a video above to show a demonstration of how this works. But the whole idea of cord blood banking basically says that the baby has no need for this blood, or the stem cells that are in the cord blood, either. This simply is not true, and I want my baby to have every advantage of fighting off diseases and illnesses, like I'm sure 100% of the rest of parents out there! :) This cord blood and stems cells do just that, that's why God put them there, and it makes all the sense in the world to fight for your kids in this way. It's a simple process of waiting until the cord stops pulsating, or is white instead of purple. This can take as little as 60 second to 15 minutes, but is it that long? No, even in the extreme case of having to wait for the placenta to be born, it's really not that long, maybe 30 minutes. Lots of research proves it actually helps baby! But in an attempt to hurry the process of birth up, hospitals like to cut the cord immediately and get the mom to the recovery room and baby to nursery quickly for the next woman behind them to come into that room.  
7. Separation of mom and baby- This is actually one of those instinctual things that I just can't imagine it any other way, to be honest. I have never had anyone take my baby away from my sight during a birth experience, and I am not in favor of that happening in a hospital setting. I know the hospitals will say they will respect your wishes, and not do anything that you don't want done behind closed door, and I want to trust that to be the truth, but I just can't do it. Maybe I am just paranoid, and I am at peace with that, lol! This next point will explain this more.
8. Vaccines/injections/medicines- We have decided not to vaccinate our children for religious reasons, (for the most part, that is). This a very hard thing to do in a hospital setting for birth, since they literally have the Hep B, vitamin K injection, and "eye goop" lying right next to all the newborn supplies for suctioning, and drying off baby. I know this is a hard decision for some parents to understand, so I will just say this: I am not asking any parent to do what we do, since each child is different, I highly recommend you do LOTS of praying and LOTS of research on all topics and decisions relating to your children. I only know that this is what we feel like God has asked us to do for our children, and I am not willing to risk the serious side effects or injuries of vaccines due to negligence/disobedience on my part. This is a subject that I am regularly am researching, and in fact have a binder of information supporting our decision with Biblical principals or scientific facts. This definitely has not been a flippant, rebellious decision, and therefore we cannot do anything other than be obedient in this area.
9.  Stress- When I am birthing, I just want to be quiet, and left alone for the most part. It helps to have a dark, familiar place to be in during labor. There have been many professionals that relate it to a very similar situation as making love. Think of the atmosphere in which you would want to be in to make love. It's not some place where you are listening to monitors, and people are coming in and out with loud areas and lack of privacy. All that would do is stress a mom out, which then leads to tension of the muscles of her body, including the uterus, slowing contractions, and making it difficult for the contractions to be effective, and it becomes more painful because her body is literally fighting itself. Plus, for me, all I would be thinking about is all the above things that would be problems for me, which would be a major stress for me. I would want to lock myself in the bathroom and not come out! 

Now, I know that if something happened, and I decided something wasn't right, and I needed help or intervention, that doesn't change who I am as a mother, and it's not the worst thing that will ever happen! I would never tell a mom where she needs to birth, or whether or not to get any pain medicines, because it's not my birth or my body! That has to be a personal choice! Just like with all these topics of why I am not wanting to go to the hospital. These are just our choices, not what I would tell anyone else they should have done, or should do! I have this saying I like to tell people, "There are non-negotiable, ethical reasons why we cannot do some things, and then there are my preferences, which can change due to situations that may arise." I hope this is helpful in explaining the Whys in our decision.

Worship?

So Easter Sunday was such a wonderful day! I am so blessed to have such a wonderfully rich heritage in this particular holiday! I LOVE worship on Easter Sunday! It's the one day each year that reminds me why I do what I do. (I am reminded most days, just particularly this day). So, here we are, in church, worshiping, and I am clapping my hands, and I notice, that of the roughly 100 people present, I can count on one hand how many are clapping to this very upbeat song, that really ASKS to be clapped to! My husband and I are 2, I don't think even the pastor was. The lady next to me looks at me, (I see out of the corner of my eye), and takes a step away from me. The next song is "In Christ Alone" and I just want to scream, and cry all at once, because it is so moving a song! The Holy Spirit washes over me in a very specific part of the song that goes something like:
"There in the ground, His body lay, Light of the world by darkness, slain,
"Then bursting forth in glorious day, up from the grave, He rose again!"
And again, I find myself clapping, as if in appreciation for what Christ has accomplished for me on that very cross! I want to jump! I want to dance! I want to shout from the hills, "HE IS RISEN!!!" But I am resolved to tears, I cannot even speak to finish the song! Thank you Jesus!
Then, as we settle into the announcements and about to begin the sermon, I notice this woman next to me, turned so that her back was to me. Am I that bad? Do you really think I am that radical? GOOD! I hope I am a sold out radical for Jesus! I am not sorry that poor Drummer Boy and I were clapping our hearts out, and wanting to shout for joy, and the only ones acting on that! I am not sorry for causing a commotion! I hope it brings new life to the "worship" you stand still and barely sing out loud to. How is that true worship?! I know everyone worships differently, but do you KNOW what HE has DONE FOR YOU?!! I don't think so, if you can stand there, so calm as to not be effected by His ultimate sacrifice! Specifically on this Day, during this song! How can your heart be softened to the Spirit if that is how you worship someone who has literally SAVED YOUR LIFE?!!!
I know I am not alone on this one, any one else feel the same way? Anyone??

I Can't Wait for Heaven!

So lately I have been reading this book on Heaven, and oh, how it has sparked so much hope in my heart for my eternal life! I have grown up in the church, and for as long as I can remember Heaven was to me an endless church service in a very distant, completely spiritual world. I am learning, that however, the current Heaven may be a spiritual world, our eternal Heaven will be a physical world, on the New Earth! That gives me hope that I don't have to "hurry up" and do all the things I want to do here, before I die, or Christ returns. I will be able to do all the things I was not able to do in this life, for lack of funding, time, knowledge, strength, etc. And so much more! I could write a book on all the things I look forward to doing in Heaven, without fear of harm, or lack of all the above! LOL! I know that for many Christians, this may come as a surprise, because we aren't regularly taught all the things the Bible teaches us about our eternal Heaven, on the New Earth! Did you know there is an actual physical city, (the New Jerusalem), in Heaven right now, waiting for God to bring it down to the New Earth! All so the He may dwell on the New Earth with us! Heaven and Earth will be one! I can't wait, it's so exciting to me! No more thoughts of us just standing around God's throne worshiping and that's the end of all we will ever do! How boring! Surely we will do that, but that's not all we will do! He is a Creator by very nature. If we believe God is infinite, and he gives good gifts, and he delights in our joy, surely you have to believe this!
So, here are just a few things I can't wait to do on the New Earth!
1) Climb mountains!
2) Explore the galaxies!
3) Plant all kinds of fruits and vegetables,... and keep them alive! :)
4) Learn to be a chef!
5) Take care of children!
6) Chat with people from the Bible! (Noah, Moses, Mary, etc.)
7) Watch Jesus' life on earth!
8) Dive into the deep ocean waters, and explore!
9) Learn all about the God of creation!
10) Have the "house" of my dreams! LOL!
 The list could go on,... But, for us believers, there is no reason that these things can't happen! I don't know about you, but my imagination is working overtime these days! God gave me it, I will utilize it!

Revelation 21:1-5
 I saw Heaven and earth new-created. Gone the first Heaven, gone the first earth, gone the sea. I saw Holy Jerusalem, new-created, descending resplendent out of Heaven, as ready for God as a bride for her husband. I heard a voice thunder from the Throne: "Look! Look! God has moved into the neighborhood, making his home with men and women! They're his people, he's their God. He'll wipe every tear from their eyes. Death is gone for good—tears gone, crying gone, pain gone—all the first order of things gone." The Enthroned continued, "Look! I'm making everything new.

He Is...

Recently, I had the privilege to attend a ladies simulcast with Priscilla Shirer, and what a true blessing it was to listen to this woman teach! Such a life changing experience for me, since this new season of life doesn't allow for a lot of women's ministries. She had a presentation before the beginning of the Friday night session that truly impacted my thoughts on God, and who He is. I will am working on Scripture references to these attributes of God, so I have noted some of these with it, and when I get the rest done I will update it. (Or you can leave a comment with any verse you find that co-relates).  Hope you enjoy this as much as I did!

He Is...

The First and the Last (Isaiah 44:6; 48:12)
The beginning and the End (Revelation 21:6)
The Keeper of creation (Psalms 8:3)
The Creator of all (Genesis 1:1)
The Architect of the universe (Hebrews 11:3)
The Manager of all time (Psalms 31:15)
He always was, always is, always will be
Unmoved, unchanged, undefeated, and never undone!
Was bruised, but brought healing
Was pierced, but eased pain
Was persecuted, but brought freedom
Was dead, and brings life
Was risen to bring power,
And He reigns to bring peace!
The world can't understand Him
Armies can't defeat Him
Schools can't explain Him
Leaders can't ignore Him
Herod couldn't kill Him
Nero couldn't crush Him
The new age cannot replace Him
And Oprah cannot explain Him away!
He is Life
He is Love
He is Longevity
He is the Lord!
He is goodness and kindness and faithfulness and He is God!
He is holy, and righteous, and powerful, and pure
His ways are right
His word eternal
His will unchanging
And His mind is on us! (Psalm 8:4)
He is our Saviour, our Guide, our Peace, our Joy, our Comfort, our Lord, and He rules our lives!
I serve Him because,
His bond is love
His yolk is easy
His burden is light
And His goal for us is abundant life!
I follow Him because,
He is the Wisdom of the wise
He is the Power of the powerful
The Ancient of days
He is the Ruler of all rulers
the Leader of all leaders!
His goal is a relationship with me,
He will never leave you
Never forsake you
Never mislead you
Never forget you
Never overlook you
And never cancel your appointment in His appointment book
When you fall, He will lift you up
When you fail, He'll forgive you
When you're weak, He's strong
When you're lost, He is your Way
When you're afraid, He's your courage
When you stumble, He will steady you
When you're hurt, He is gonna heal you
When you're broken, He will mend you
When you're blind, He will lead you
When you're hungry, He will feed you
When you face trials, He is with you
When I face persecution, He shields me
When I face problems, He will comfort me
When I face loss, He will provide for me
And when I face death, He will carry us Home to meet Him!
He is everything, to everybody, everywhere, every time, and in every way!
He is your God, and that Sisters, is Who you belong to!